Top 10 Lawyer Jokes!

Now you want me to share my top ten lawyer jokes with you? How dare you! I am absolutely insulted!!

Just kidding. Believe it or not, nobody appreciates a good lawyer joke more than a lawyer. We feed off of this stuff folks! If I really felt like writing right now, I would change the title of this one to "Top 1,000 Lawyer Jokes!". Get the point?

Allow me to now present the top 10 lawyer jokes, according to Lawyer Joe (that's me):

• A group of terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers. The FBI has gathered around the local airport and has established communications with the terrorists. While everyone else is patiently observing, the lead negotiator, Tommy, gasps as he lays down his headset. The FBI officer in charge demands, "What is is Tommy? What have the terrorists demanded?" Tommy pauses, lets out a sigh and answers, "We're in trouble boss. They have given a long list of demands, and they say that they will release one attorney on us every hour if we don't give in!"
• Do you know the easy way to spot a lawyer that is lying? Just look for the one with lips that are moving!
• Why should you avoid running over a lawyer in your car? Don't you know how much new tires cost these days?!?!
• How many attorneys does it take to change one light bulb? It depends on how many lawyers you can afford!
• How does a lawyer sleep at night? Almost the same as you do. He lies on one side of the bed, and then he lies on the other.
• Tom sees John walking out of the court house with a sad look. Tom knew that John's personal injury case was decided today. Out of a sincere concern, Tom asks, "John, what's the matter pal? Did your lawyer give you bad advice on the case?" John replies, "Nah. He charged me for the bad advice."
• You can pick between two different kinds of attorneys. Type A knows the law. Type B knows the judge!
• Lawyer Golden Boy was driving down the road in his shiny Mercedez. He was whistling and singing along until he ran off the road and smashed into a tree. He yelled, "My Mercedez! My Mercedez!" Another driver saw the accident and ran to his aid. She yelled in horror, "Sir, you're bleeding everywhere! Oh my God! You lost your left arm too!" Lawyer Golden Boy looked at his missing left arm and screamed, "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
• Father Ben went to get a haircut. The lady at the shop explained that the cut was free because Father Ben does the work of God. The next day the shop found 10 bibles at their doorstep. Officer Dudley went to get a haircut. The lady explained to him that his cut would be free because he serves the public and keeps us safe. The next day they found 10 doughnuts at their door. Lawyer Weasley went to get his hair cut. The lady told him that it would be free since he serves the legal system for all of us. The next day they found 10 other lawyers at their door that were looking for free haircuts!
• What do you call an attorney that has become corrupt? Senator!

There you have it everyone. These are Lawyer Joe's favorite lawyer jokes. Do you have any that you would like to share? I sure would like to hear them.